My day of birth

So this blog isn't a race review or a healthy recipe.  It is more just personal reflection.

Today I turned 41.  When I see that number, I freaks me out.  I do not feel like I am 41.  I see other people that are in there 40's and I feel like they are so....old.  And here I am - 41.  I have a kid that is 21 and another that is 19.  How is that even possible???

As I reflect on the day, I feel disheartened a little bit due to circumstances beyond my control.  However, I can't help but ponder on my journey.  Two years ago I was 250 pounds, seditary, loved and couldn't even walk a mile; let alone run one.  I woke up one day and said enough is enough and began my journey to a healthier me.

One year later I was down 90 pounds and another year later I have kept it off.  I can never remember a time I was this small....ever.  I still feel like I am overweight and it took me forever to not buy a size XL shirt.  When I do OCRs and guys want to give me a boost, I am self conscious because I feel like I am too heavy and I find myself asking - "Did I hurt you?" "Are you okay?"

I fear gaining it back.  Sure, I have gained a few, lost it, gained a few more, lost it.  But I stay around the same weight, give or take 5 lbs.  I am hoping to lose 15 more by next spring and tone it up.  Anyway, people don't understand the struggle.  They always say "You can have just a piece" or "You can have a little bit" or "You want to get something to eat" in which I want to reply yes to all aspects, I can't.  I can't just have a piece, I want the whole thing.  I can't just have a little bit because I want it all....and while I would love to go out to eat, I can't go to a pizza place and just eat a salad.  Sometimes, I would prefer not to be asked at all.

All this to say - 41 isn't that bad.  I am in better shape at 41 than I was at 21.  I am on no medications, my resting heart rate is 53, I have no medical concerns that are majorly effecting my quality of life, I actually have muscles and I can shop anywhere without worrying if they "have my size".  

I have ran 44 races so far and I want to be running when I turn 81.  Life isn't over because of a number.  It isn't too late.  We all have aches and pains.  We catch ourselves squinting a little more when we read or saying "what" one too many times.  However, our health effects everything.  It effects our brains, our organs, our bones.  We can sit and complain or we can get up and live life.

Life is about living and experiencing it.  Yes, I run.  Yes, I hate it.  But I love how I feel afterwards.  I love knowing I accomplished it.

Life is good.